Last week we had our 20-week anatomy scan and finally found out the gender of our baby! I truly had no guesses one way or the other, but have always had a feeling I’d be a good “boy mom”. Read: I’m not very girly, grew up with two brothers and just relate a lot better to boy kiddos usually!
Patience is not a skill I have perfected, so waiting for a big gender reveal party was off the table. That being said, Boyfriend and I decided we wanted to find out the gender together and alone, rather than in the room with the ultrasound tech. The day before our appointment, I called our favorite donut place and asked if they’d make us two donuts–one blue, one pink–and give us the “right” one when we came in after our scan. It was so nice to find out just the two of us!
Later that night, we had a small get together with immediate family and I baked a cake for the second reveal. Donuts and cake FTW! Enough about pastries, though–if you haven’t seen on my Instagram, I’m sure you’d like to know what we’re having…right?!
Yep, my dreams of being a boy mom are coming true! We couldn’t be happier, though as it got closer to finding out, I was getting kind of used to the idea of a girl as well. 🙂
A bump in the road
Our exciting reveal also came with some not-so-great news, so in the vein of being open and honest about my experience, I’m here to share. During the anatomy scan, the tech told us baby (boy) was healthy as could be. His heartbeat was perfect, all his little bones are forming well and he’s measuring on the bigger side.
The bump in the road came when he explained that I have placenta previa, meaning my placenta is low-lying, covering my cervix. In most cases, this resolves as the uterus continues to grow during pregnancy and it’s nothing to worry about. If my placenta does not move, however, this means that I will have to get a c-section, as the baby’s exit would be blocked. It also means there could be heavy bleeding and I could need complete pelvic rest until delivery. Of course, the internet is full of other horror stories on placenta previa, but I’m blocking those out and focusing on my baby and this pregnancy.
So what does this mean for me now? I’m going back for another ultrasound in about 8 weeks to check the placement of my placenta. My midwife did also recommend pelvic rest until the 28-week scan…so no sex, no lifting, no pelvic floor work and only “light aerobic exercise”. For the next 8 weeks, my BirthFit programming is a no-go and pretty much all I’m cleared to do is walk.
You knew this part was coming…right? To be honest, I had a flood of emotions after our visit. We were thrilled about finally knowing El Capitan was a boy, but I was devastated and scared at the risks associated with placenta previa. My biggest concern is always the health and safety of our baby, but I’ve got a lot of other thoughts/fears swirling around in my head too.
I know nothing is definitive right now, but I am struggling with the thought of being “forced” into having a C-section. In fact, this diagnosis is just another example of not being in control–a harsh reality for a type-A planner like myself. I’ve been harping on a lot of the “what if” scenarios that may never come to be. What if I have to be put on permanent bed rest? What if something goes wrong and I have to deliver early? Logically, I know not to think this way. Emotionally, I’m doing it.
I’m frustrated by the lifting/exercise restriction for the next 8 weeks (and potentially beyond that). As a normally independent (and stubborn) gal, this makes me feel trapped. I can’t stand the idea of being limited in my abilities or feeling weak. This pregnancy has begun what I anticipate to be a series of identity shifts and this exercise limitation is just the latest of them. Fitness and joyful movement is a huge part of my life (and my identity), so I’m struggling with what it means to lose that for a little while. Plus, fitness is often a stress release and a way for me to decompress mentally.
Above all this, of course I feel guilty for worrying about anything besides the fact that our little dude is perfectly healthy. Not to mention that I know I’m extremely lucky to be pregnant at all! I guess the #momguilt thing settles in at conception and just doesn’t go away, huh?
Because I have to have a plan. 🙂 The plan is to focus on pelvic rest for the next 8 weeks. To take long walks with Annie (when it’s not freezing cold). To find other ways to relieve stress and practice self-care. To continue communicating effectively and openly with Boyfriend and relying on my close friends and family for support. To stay positive and trust that so much is out of my control, but that all will be okay. To cherish the little flutters I’m starting to feel more and more in my growing belly. To start shopping for nursery items for our little BOY. <3
As always, I’ll be posting updates here and on my Instagram, so I’d love to connect with you there too. Thanks to everyone who has celebrated El Capitan thus far and for all of you here reading my crazy thoughts and following along on this journey! xo